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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26022130">now and forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejay230/pseuds/bluejay230'>bluejay230</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Shot, Sorry Not Sorry, Zombie Apocalypse, the sexual content implication is like two lines</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:22:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26022130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejay230/pseuds/bluejay230</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The world has been infested by zombies, the scenes and environment are straight out of a typical zombie apocalypse film. Only few survive now, they scavenge and ransack the torn up streets to find protection and necessities. <br/>But none of that matters much to Keiji anymore.<br/>He’s been infected.<br/>And although the virus hasn’t overtaken his mind and body yet...he knows it’s coming.<br/>Every night before he closes his eyes to sleep, he wonders if he’s going to wake up just like any other day, or if the next morning he’ll be just another mindless member of the undead.<br/>Keiji would also be less concerned with his fate…If only Koutarou would leave his side before it happened.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji &amp; Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>now and forever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>saw a prompt and got inspired so i did this one shot. hope you like it &lt;3333</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Keiji looks over the remaining rations they have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It should be enough for another week or so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Especially now that Keiji hasn’t been eating much of his own rations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels like it would be a waste.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hunger wouldn’t matter soon. In fact, his hunger would long for something else that wasn't canned beans or soup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji! You’ll never guess what I found!”,Koutarou’s boisterous voice echoed throughout the boarded up building they were staying in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji would’ve scolded him, but he’d done a perimeter check and there hadn’t been any zombies nearby. They’d picked out a decent spot this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seems most of the zombies in the area had been dealt with or they’d just migrated somewhere else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you find?”,Keiji asks as Koutarou sets a bag on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Besides the usual bit of rations...look!”, Keiji isn’t sure what to expect but it certainly isn't a pack of balloons and an air pump.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Balloons?”,Keiji raises an eyebrow. “Those are noisy, Koutarou, we don’t want to make noise”,Keiji reminds him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you pop them”,Koutarou shoots back matter-of-factly,”But it’s for your birthday!”,Koutarou tells him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji blinks in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His birthday?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s right...they should be in December now...his birthday was only a few days away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But would he even make it to that day or…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gonna celebrate your birthday, Keiji”,Koutarou says, a smile on his face, but his voice is a bit more forceful. Almost as if he knows what Keiji is thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He understands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he doesn’t want to talk about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t actually want to hear it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everytime Keiji had even brought up the danger of Koutarou still being around him right now, Koutarou refused to listen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Waving off Keiji’s concerns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me, Keiji, what do ya want for your birthday present? Oh! How about onigiri?”,Koutarou suggests.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’d be impossible to find”,Keiji points out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. But I’m sure there’s a way. It’ll just be hard, but I can do it!”,Koutarou assures him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji doesn’t doubt it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if he doesn’t find the ingredients to make onigiri, he’d substitute other ingredients to create something similar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou was perfectly fit to survive something like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was strong, quick, creative, and above all, he moved forward no matter what happened. No matter how many friends and family members they’d lost along the way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had both kept moving forward, with Koutarou at the lead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji can’t help but feel thankful in that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if the world was different.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou was the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile was the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And his back was as reassuring as it had always been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to listen to music”,Keiji says after a moment, making Koutarou look over at him. “It’s been awhile since we listened to music...I want to hear Island in the Sun...by Weezer”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji really liked that song. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was one of his favorites. He could recall the melody and lyrics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he wants to hear it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though they’d had some music players before, they all either got stolen or left behind somewhere at some point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And even though they could never play the music loudly. They always put it on at a low volume.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Keiji closed his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could almost feel like this was all a dream. A nightmare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that life was still normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Life was still like it had always been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji could imagine he was listening to the song with his earbuds, sitting on the mostly empty subway, on his way to visit Koutarou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Keiji himself still had a long life and future ahead of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Music”,Koutarou repeats, seemingly happy with the request,”Alright! That’s perfect for a birthday celebration”,He nods,”I’ll get that delivered to you quickly”,He stands to go back out to scavenge but Keiji reaches out his arm to stop him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s eat first”,Keiji suggests.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah! Almost forgot”,Koutarou smiles as he sits down in front of Keiji, taking his can of soup from him. “Cheers!”,He and Keiji bumped their soup cans before they began to eat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ate in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though it wasn’t an uncomfortable one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Keiji did notice Koutarou had become more quiet since the incident.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d also catch Koutarou staring, though he didn’t seem to mind when Keiji caught him looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji himself didn’t mind either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes he did the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His gaze would linger on Koutarou, carving his every feature into memory, although by now Keiji knew him like the back of his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji especially enjoys having moments to breathe and relax against each other, Keiji could run his fingers lightly through Koutarou’s hair. It was always down now, his styled up hair a long gone memory of the past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a bit strange to get used to at first, though Keiji thinks he looks handsome either way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Besides it was just one of many things Keiji got used to eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou had always been touchy-feely and affectionate, but it, too, has increased as of late.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that Keiji was complaining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji’s feelings for Koutarou had been present since before this whole ordeal began. But once this started, he never really imagined anything would come of those feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all, an undead apocalypse was no place or time for romance and love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least that’s what he’d believed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow through the many trials and hardships they faced, his feelings came out into the open, and Koutarou reciprocated them in full.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes Keiji does wonder how their confession, first date, and relationship would’ve been like had this not happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no use wondering though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t ideal but...Keiji was happy he had Koutarou by his side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That he could hold onto him when the nights grew cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That he could kiss him when his heart needed comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That he could love him and know happiness could still be found with each other despite everything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good meal”,Koutarou sighs in satisfaction, smiling before scooting over next to Keiji and leaning his head on Keiji’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t really matter how many times Koutarou’s done this. Whenever Koutarou gets close enough for his warmth to emanate towards Keiji his heart pounds and overflows with feeling like it’s the first time they’d been so close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree”,Keiji says, though he still has a bit more than half left. He can save that for tomorrow, he thinks. He goes to put the top back on but Koutarou stops him and grabs Keiji’s hand that holds the can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji feels Koutarou’s gaze on the soup before it goes over to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately Keiji knows what he’s going to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji! You didn’t even finish yours”,Koutarou says, now lifting his head to look at Keiji, a pout on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m full”,Keiji lies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou frowns at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He always does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lying”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not”,Keiji insists,”Besides, I will finish it. Tomorrow. We should be smart with our food rations, Koutarou”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou merely sighs, running a hand through his hair and pushing it back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The momentary exposure of his forehead reminds Keiji of Koutarou’s old hairstyle. And he’s reminded of their highschool days, the pout on his face similar to that of when Koutarou would complain about having failed a test.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hair flops back down covering Koutarou’s forehead as he looks at Keiji, upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The memory is gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutaro doesn’t complain about small things like that anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushes for positivity now more than ever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji wonders how he’s able to do so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji, don’t worry about that. We’ve been doing pretty good with rations lately, you don’t have to starve yourself because of that”,Koutaro says, there’s worry in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It makes Keiji’s heart ache.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really shouldn’t keep worrying about me, Keiji thinks...I’m a lost cause now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s better to be safe than sorry”,Keiji replies back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s better if Koutarou has more rations saved up for when Keiji turns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’ll be a small load off of Koutarou’s back-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji!”,Koutarou protests, a frown on his face again,”You’re not being safe at all. What if we suddenly need to go on the move? What if you pass out because you haven’t been eating? Does that sound safe to you?”,Koutarou lectures Keiji,”You’re not being safe, Keiji, if anything you’re putting yourself at risk”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stop, Keiji wanted to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stop being so protective...The damage has been done, Koutarou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji doesn’t meet his gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou had become much more fussy over Keiji as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something Keiji appreciated, truly, he did, but he found it a bit unnecessary as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji’s tasks had changed from scavenging with Koutarou to staying at the base to keep watch of wherever they were staying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji goes along with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though he thinks it should be the other way around. After all if he gets attacked or bitten again, it won’t be any different from anything that’s already going to happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not like it’ll make a difference”,Keiji can’t help but mutter under his breath. “The risk is gone for me”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou is quick to retort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would make a difference, Keiji. You’re not dead, yet”,Koutarou stands up, he doesn’t look happy to be discussing this. He hates discussing this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But soon, I will be, Koutarou...I’ll be one of them, so it doesn’t matter-”,Keiji tries to let it sink in for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter how much Koutarou tries to protect him now it won’t change the outcome.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji”,Koutarou says seriously, his eyes locked onto him, it’s enough for Keiji to stop talking. When he looks at Koutarou, Keiji wants to take back his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last time he saw that much pain in Koutarou’s eyes was when Keiji had shown him the bite mark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pain of not having been quick enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pain of regret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pain of guilt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pain of despair</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji puts the soup aside and stands, throwing his arms around Koutarou to hug him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It only takes a second for Koutarou to hug him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji feels tears sting his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He breathes in Kotarou’s scent. His warmth. His very essence and being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry...I know you don’t wanna hear it”,Keiji says softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps if the situation were switched, he too, would have a hard time accepting it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou holds him tighter at his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...I know, Keiji. I know you don’t have much time”,Koutarou acknowledges, his voice shaky. Keiji holds him tighter hearing this,”But we have now...And I want you to focus on the now”,Koutarou pulls away a bit so he can cup Keiji’s face in his hands,”I don’t wanna see you starving or hurting in the time you have left, Keiji. Don’t think about what’s to come. Don’t worry about me, okay?”,Koutarou tells him seriously,eyes misty,”Just…”,He brushes at Keiji’s cheeks, his touch is enough to make Keiji’s tears fall,”Just live with me now, okay? Live...please”,He puts his forehead against Keiji’s, eyes closing as he pleads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji reaches up his arms to put them against Kouatarou’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can feel the pounding of Koutarou’s own heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a familiar and comforting feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Koutarou accepts Keiji’s fate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he wants me to focus on the now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji thinks he can do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, it is just Koutarou and him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji can do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay”,Keiji agrees, his own voice a bit shaky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of him is shaky, actually, but Koutarou holds him steady as Keiji presses his lips with Koutarou’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’ll try to live, Keiji promises, live in the now with you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurts to see you hurt too, Koutarou, Keiji thinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m sorry...I’m really sorry.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Happy birthday to you, Keeeiijiiii!~”,Koutarou sings to Keiji with all the love in his heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter if his singing technique was just okay, to Keiji it was the most wonderful sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji’s cheeks begin to hurt from smiling so much, he hadn’t been able to stop smiling since he’d come back from scavenging, finding their current base decorated with balloons and a banner. Koutarou had some onigiri and a slice of chocolate cake awaiting for him as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now you can eat the cake!”,Koutarou cheers happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you even find this?”,Keiji knew Koutarou was particularly lucky when he went out to scavenge, but this was a whole other level.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Met a group that was willing to trade this for some of our items”,Kotarou says,”But don’t worry! It’s good”,He assures Keiji,”I might’ve had a small taste of it”,He leaves a gap between his thumb and forefinger to express how little he’d gotten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji is curious to find how it tastes, and takes a small piece to eat it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes widen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The taste….</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is absolutely delicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chocolate is so rich, so sweet, yet not too sweet. The cake itself feels like a day or two old but it’s still so good. Especially after having gone so long without tasting something like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s like Keiji’s tongue has tasted heaven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou laughs at Keiji’s expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The laugh warms Keiji’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s super good, right?”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji nods happily as he takes another piece for himself before offering some to Koutarou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s share it, Koutarou, there’s enough for us both”,Keiji tells him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou gladly accepts and they savor every last piece and bite of the cake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maaan! Chocolate cake hits so differently like this”,Koutarou grins at Keiji who nods in agreement. “Ah, right! Present time!”,Koutarou offers Keiji his backpack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji raises an eyebrow but takes it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unzipping it he finds newspaper stuffed inside, covering what was underneath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s as best as I could do for the presentation”,Koutarou laughs, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like it”,Keiji compliments with a small smile before he finishes taking out all the newspaper and finds a battery powered cd player inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji looks over at Koutarou, stunned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou merely encourages him to open it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji takes it out and opens the top. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A small gasp of air leaves Keiji’s lips as he sees the cd put into it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How...How?”,Keiji almost laughed out of sheer surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Although he did ask for it, and he believes Koutarou is capable of finding anything...It still couldn’t have been that easy, could it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually that same group with the cake told me about the music shop. Said I might be able to find what I’m looking for there. Although a lot of it had been ransacked already”,Kotarou seems to recall his rummaging through the shop,”Luckily it was there, a lot of them were broken but I managed to find a good one…”,Koutarou looks at Keiji, his smile and eyes soft,”Happy Birthday, Keiji”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fondness in his eyes always made Keiji want to pull him in close, feel his touch and affection and nothing else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks down at the music player again before closing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Koutaro”,he says sincerely,”I love everything”,Keiji smiles at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a second Koutarou inhales sharply seeing him smile but he matches Keiji’s smile, his eyes even closing this time, a joyful laugh bubbles out of Koutarou’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad, Keiji...You deserve only the best”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which I always have, as long as I’m with you”,Keiji tells him fondly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He presses play on the player.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it takes only a moment for the music to begin playing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji goes to the song he wants to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s number 4 on the tracklist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs happily, hearing the familiar melody begin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a happy relaxing song.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was exactly what he needed on game days back in highschool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was exactly what he needed on mornings getting ready for college.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was exactly what he needed after long shifts in part time jobs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s exactly what he needs now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>When you’re on a holiday</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>You can’t find the words to say</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keiji looks over to see Koutarou staring at him again, genuine pure affection in his eyes, simply happy to see Keiji enjoying himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>All the things that come to you</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>And I wanna feel it too</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Koutarou stretches out his hand towards Keiji, Keiji takes it without question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t say anything as Koutarou stands and makes him stand with him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s dance, Keiji”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He suggests this with a smile that softens Keiji’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji wonders how he would’ve responded before all this happened….before he and Koutarou were together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Won’t it feel embarrassing?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Let’s just sit’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I’m not much of a dancer’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Maybe later’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay”,Keiji says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t really matter what he would’ve said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What matters is now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>When you’re on a golden sea</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>You don’t need no memory</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keiji wraps his arms around Koutarou’s neck, Koutarou’s hands remain gentle yet firm as he holds Keiji while they sway to the melody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The song is cheery and upbeat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet their movements are relaxed, slow, and gentle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost like they were dancing to something much softer, much sweeter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji gets lost in the music, lost in Koutarou’s gaze and arms...he truly couldn’t be happier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The scene outside the building was a tragic one, perhaps even an ugly one...but in here, Keiji couldn’t see any of that, could not and would not hear any of that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was only Koutarou and him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was his world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter if the one outside was broken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This one here...this was still intact, it was still everything to Keiji, and for that, he was thankful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji”,Koutarou speaks softly, Keiji pulls him closer, wanting to hear him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He says it with a quiet intensity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji smiles, gazing into his round golden rich eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s an ache in his heart as Keiji replies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, too, Koutarou”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forever, Keiji”,Koutarou tells him sincerely,”I’ll love you forever”,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After those words, Keiji can only pull him into a kiss, it’s a bit rough, and a bit shaky, but it tells Koutarou everything Keiji is feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll love you forever...and always”,Keiji promises.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji’s breath is taken away as Koutarou kisses him this time, a sudden urgency rising inside him, a sudden fervor and passion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji matches it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kiss, touch, caress hungrily and desperately. Intertwining their bodies through the rest of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like there was only now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps they’d both sensed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, that night, there was nothing but love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji had never known love could make him feel so much at once, he’d never known how much one person could make loving them and being loved by them, the most joyful part of life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji cups Koutarou’s flushed face in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both of them pant as they try to regain their bearings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Koutaro”,Keiji says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has so much he wants to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he can’t form the words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or perhaps, there are no words to truly capture what it is that lies in his heart and mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Koutarou understands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps because he feels the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou puts his forehead against Keiji’s, closing his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji”,He replies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that’s enough for them to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s enough for them to understand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last thing Keiji feels before falling asleep is Koutarou’s embrace and his kiss to Keiji’s forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s just darkness.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Koutarou sighs as he turns on his side, an arm reaching out to wrap around Keiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His arm falls flat to the blanket covered floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His sleepiness vanishes in an instant, his eyes wide as he lies there awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> His heart feels heavy in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet he stays there for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breathing in and out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In and out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In and out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trying to calm the thoughts in his brain and the pounding of his heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sits up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A familiar song plays.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks over to see the cd player is still on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou stands, albeit a little shaky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keiji?”,he calls out into the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His voice echoes into the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is no response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was probably outside doing a perimeter check…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was probably checking their rations and making sure they had enough…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he went out to scavenge early to surprise Koutarou…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou knows it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows all of that is wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou’s hands balled into fists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows where Keiji is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And although his mind screams at him not to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He goes to find him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart feels like it’s dropping lower and lower with every step he takes towards the shed next to the building they had been holed up in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stands outside it for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hand on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And all he can recall is Keiji’s smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji’s beautiful smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s how Koutarou should remember him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t need to be here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t have to see this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has to walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Koutarou’s body seems to have a mind of it’s own because he’s swung the door open now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A choked sound escapes his lips as he steps into the shed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He falls to his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His vision blurs and his eyes sting from the onslaught of tears at the sight before him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His throat feels tight, choking on his emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t want to keep looking. But he can’t look away either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou reaches a hand up to his throat, eyes shutting as tears flow freely down his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji, I’m sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m so sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so fucking sorry”,Koutarou sobs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heaves as he tries to rub away at his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It does no good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tears don’t stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His pain won’t stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It burns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It burns every part of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know what to do with himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart hurts so much, Koutarou didn’t know his heart could hurt so much more than it had already been hurting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was Keiji...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s here and in front of him, but he’s gone...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou glances over at the loaded gun…it lays in drying blood...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And for a second Koutarou considers something he knows he shouldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou shakes his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He won’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji would be really mad with him if he did...Koutarou cries at the thought of this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What he wouldn’t give to see Keiji’s frown, hear his voice as he chided Koutarou, feel the gentle touch of his fingers as they’d wipe away his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>...But that’s not possible anymore, is it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou closes his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And his mind wanders to the night before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keiji’s birthday.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They laid on the floor together for a bit, Keiji was falling asleep already, but he was still trying to talk to Koutarou, refusing to let sleep win that night.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you for smiling, Koutarou”,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hmm? You don’t have to thank me for that, you know”,Koutarou had told him, playing with Keiji’s hair.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Keiji had only smiled sleepily back at him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I do...Your smile hasn’t changed no matter what, Koutarou...It’s the most reassuring and comforting sight to me”,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Koutarou can’t help but smile hearing that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That. That’s the one”,Keiji chuckles lighty, before he breathed in and out, eyes fluttering shut.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Koutarou brings him closer to himself, kissing his forehead.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Goodnight, Keiji”,Koutarou says, he wanted to tell Keiji something then but...he couldn’t bring himself to wake him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t get to tell you, Keiji…”,Koutarou cries, looking up at him, his heart breaking at the sight, “My smile. It was...It was because of you”,Koutarou says softly, sniffling, indescribable pain filling him with every word that leaves his mouth,”My smile never changed because you were still with me. You. Keiji. You-You were my smile”, Koutarou breaks down, running a hand through his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t protect you, Keiji...I’m sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are...my world”,He cries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cries till there’s no more tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But although no more tears flow, his heart continues to ache while he muffles his yells into the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou’s not sure how long he stayed there crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure how long he stayed in that spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure how he got out of the shed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure how he packed up his stuff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure how he made himself eat his meals.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure how he was still alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure how far he’ll make it alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure if he will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure if he should.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was going to try.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s what Keiji would’ve wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Koutarou could meet him again, he didn’t want Keiji to be mad or upset, he wanted him to be proud, he wanted Keiji to smile at him before he let Koutarou kiss him like there was only them and no one else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just like always.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koutarou leaves the running cd player with Keiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It belonged to him anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Besides, Koutarou wasn’t sure he could listen to that song ever again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not without Keiji there with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears the music drown out as he closes the shed door behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>We’ll run away together</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>We’ll spend some time forever</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>We’ll never feel bad anymore</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Koutarou takes a deep breath and releases it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A puff of air forming from the cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chill in the air makes him shiver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s only now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s what he tells himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Keiji was never really part of just the past or the now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Him and Keiji. They were forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until I can see you again, Keiji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So we can love again in our unbreakable world.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
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